Tobi VS Akatsuki: the annoying olympics!
by royal secrets
Summary: Tobi is given a challenge. He has only one week to annoy every akatsuki member into submission. Can he do it or will he be kicked out of akatsuki. None of this is serious it's all just crack with a plot.
1. The Challenge

**: I own nothing...if I did Itachi would rule the world **

** A/N: yes i know the Akatsuki is dead but i still love them. If you don't like them don't read this. This is just an intro and it's my first fic so be nice. **

It was a normal day at the akatsuki base well, as normal as you can get with a group of s-class missing nin. The murderous men (and paper woman) were up to their usual antics. Hidan was off cutting himself up, while kakuzu was counting his money. It was almost peacefull until...

"Tobi, if you don't shut up I'm gonna stick some C2 clay in your mask un!"

...almost.

Kakuzu decided to ignore it and continue reading his book." But deidara sempai, I just wanted t-." Muffled sounds followed by silence but still kakuzu refused to leave his new copy of icha icha for another petty argument. For a few moments the blissfu silence remained though it was a tense silence. Anyone left in the base and not on missions was waiting for the immanent explosion.

When nothing happened Kakuzu got worried but as he reached the door on his way to check it slammed open. Kakuzu was so shocked from the impact he hardly noticed tobi run into the room followed by deidara. "Gaghuzu hewp" came the muffled cry from behind tobi's mask. Kakuzu, holding in laughter, reached out to stop deidara but he was too late"KATSU!"

There was a loud bang and an odd screaming sound from tobi. Kakuzu's ears were ringing when Kisame ran in followed by itachi and hidan. Immediately hidan started yelling at tobi. When hidan called tobi annoying it started an argument (about who was most annoying) that lead to a challenge..." Hey tobi I bet you can't annoy the akatsuki into submission in a week!"

Hidan wasn't really sure what possessed him to say that (authoress laughs deviously at hidan's inability to break the fourth wall) but he knew he'd regret it later. Tobi, not wanting to look dumb accepted the challenge and began plotting the downfall of his own organization. Meanwhile hidan was still shocked.

Kisame decided to write each members name on a white board he pulled from nowhere. "When you give up cross your name off the list okay?" Sadly kisame's practicality was ignored due to hidan's shock. Everyone except itqchi was drawing on his face, he currently had a curly mustache, lee's eyebrows and a booger hanging from his nose.

" Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" so kisame promptly walked over and began writing the word 'Derp' on hidan's forehead.

**A/N: So tell me what you think...i know it's not great but if you review i'll get better.**

**Also suggestions on who should be annoyed first whoever gets the most votes will go first. So review with your ideas if i borrow any ideas on how to annoy them i'Ll give you credit. Oh and fangirls back off itachi is MINE!**


	2. Ita-chan

**A/N: I've decided to update on a schedule... kind of. I'll update every 2 or 3 days in a cycle. So my next update will be for diary of a fish (which you should also read), and after that I'll update this again.**

** Chapter 2 Itachi o/_\O**

Itachi woke up at the same time he does every morning, 7:30 but this morning something different happened. As he opened his eyes he saw something that almost forced fear onto his face. Tobi was standing over him with a lollipop in his hand. Before Itachi could react Tobi jammed the lollipop into his mouth and yelled " Good morning Itachi-san." Itachi blinked twice, considered sharingan-ing tobi and decided against it. It was decided that attacking tobi was giving up, Uchihas don't give up.

As Itachi got out of bed tobi began the worst form of torture known to shinobi-kind. He began to sing

"1 000 000 bottles of sake on the wall, 1 000 000 bottles of sake

Take 1 down pass it around 999 999 bottles of sake on the wall!"

He continued this torture all day.

As itachi are breakfast he started to get annoyed.

As he watchrd tv he got angry.

As he painted his nails he wanted to scream.

As he ate his dango he wanted to jam the sticks into his ears so he couldn't hear anymore.

Finally around noon tobi got to zero. Itachi ws so happy he began to smile. His smile was replaced by insane laughter. Tobi had hit 0, there were no more numbers to count, no more bottles to count. Finally it was over...

Then Itachi heard it. That horrible sound, tobi had started again from zero. Itachi realized then that tobi could count sake bottles infinitely. Itachi wanted it to stop so bad he almost gave up, but uchihas dont give up.

So tobi kept singing and itachi kept listening, and trying not to cry. By 3:00 Itachi had actually jammed dango sticks in his ears. Even at the risk of hearing damage he would do anything to muffle the noise. When he began to look relieved tobi sang louder,there was no escape, and tobi seemed to be making numbers up now.

Even when the great uchiha itachi broke down and cried tobi didn't stop singing. When he tried to run away tobi chased him.

-Kisame's POV-

I got back to the base at about 7:00 pm to see the most amazing sight in history. Uchiha Itachi was in a fetal position, rolling back and forth on the floor crying with multiple dango sticks jammed into his ears, screaming "make it stop!" Kisame, being a great partner, ran to retrieve his camera. Of course first he marked a big red 'X' through itachi's name on the white board. Then he turned to a still shocked hidan and marked a big red 'L' across his forehead.

** A/N: Thanks to interforcecomander for the idea for this fic. If you have an idea or you want somebody specific to be next leave it in a review. And read my other fic while you're here.**


	3. update

Sorry I didn't update for a few days. I had internet troubles and got busy with easter. I'll update in a few days. If you have any ideas let me know. In school now but I'll try to do it tonight depending on homework. (If I don't update blame my math teacher.)


	4. Pein all 6

**A/N: I have been doing so much work to put out stories lately it's insane. I had internet problems this weekend so I'm rushing to update. Right now I'm working on this, diary of a fish, my new fic next hokage and doing a collaboration with another author for a crossover. All that on top of school, chores homework and a social life...but enough excuses here we go. But first credit to moonlight769 for the idea about peins eyes. I might also use your other idea in dei's chapter **

**Disclimer: you know i don't own anything but the plot of the fic.**

Next victim: pein ^::^

After the incedent with Itachi pein had tried to stop the ridiculous contest the Akatsuki was holding. He had failed at this and now worried he would be targeted next. He had barricaded himself in his office with a still shocked hidan and a mentally scarred itachi. He was currently using their limp bodies to block the door. He was worriedly doing paperwork or something but decided to take a break. As his chair spun around his nightmares came true. Standing in front of him was tobi. Without a word tobi jammed a lollipop into pein's mouth claiming him as his next target. His previous victim had a flashback of a lollipop being jammed in his mouth and promptly screamed before passing out cold on the floor again.

Pein tore the lollipop from his mouth and let out a girlish scream. Trying to run for his life pein wished he hadn't blocked the door. Tobi simply walked over and tapped peins shoulder. As pein turned around tobi said calmly " y'know leader-sama, your eyes make pretty good targets, dont'ya think." In two seconds flat pein removed a desk, three chairs, a dresser, a bookshelf, a refrigerator, a toaster, and two Akatsuki members from in front of the door and ran out like a madman.

Meanwhile Sasori was having a tea party with all of his dolls...I mean 'puppets' when suddenly pein ran through the door screaming like a girl. Soon pein was followed by tobi who was throwing lollipops at peins eyes. Just as fast as they had entered, they were gone.

When pein thought he'd finally lost tobi and his lollipops of death, he stopped to catch his breath. As he walked calmly down the hall he heard something behind him. When he turned to look tobi was coming at him with lollipops again. When he turned to run a tobi clone was coming at him with a handful of magnets. "No...no...anything but magnets...please!" Tobi kept walking towards him preparing to throw the magnets. As tobi threw the magnets each one landed on a single piercing. Magnets being peins irrational fear he was so scared he couldn't move.

With two well aimed throws he landed a lollipop in each eye effectively blinding pein (yahikos body). As it turned out tobi had also blinded the other peins earlier that day. So pein stumbled blindly around the base mumbling about the magnets being out to get him.

His face was hilarious he was drooling as he spoke and his eyes were closed. He had covered them with his forehead protector. He kept walking into walls and people. To finish him off tobi walked up to him and asked" would you like a lollipop leader-sama?"

Pein screamed no and tried to run away but hit a wall and was knocked out. Kisame simply marked off pein's name from the whiteboard and left.

**A/N: is it just me or was this chapter less funny than the last? Review and let me know or give me ideas. I'm not always funny on my own sometimes other people's ideas are helpful. Also who should tobi and I torture...I mean challenge next? And please read my other two stories...pleeeeaaaasssse.**


	5. Sasori

**Please, please, please don't hate me or kill my family because I didn't post. I had some bad grades on mid terms so I had to spend a lot of time studying and...homework-ing. I am SO amazingly, insanely, unfathomably, awfully, terribly sorry. So to apologize to anybody who's still out there waiting (if you are, I love you!) I am going to update my most popular story, followed by all my others by the end of this week.**

It was a fine morning at the Akatsuki base. Sasori was enjoying a nice pledging session, he loved the delicious lemon scent. Suddenly he heard a strange sound Coming from upstairs. Worrying that his pledge supply may be at risk, he ran off to his room. On his way there, he heard a clatter similar to the one he'd heard before. Now certain that it had come from his room he bolted for the door, slamming it open. As he stepped into the room he saw possibly the worst sight he'd ever seen. In the middle of the floor layed a stack of all his puppets, scratched, beaten, battered and, broken. If Sasori could cry, he would have. Standing over the pile was a maniacally laughing Tobi. He was giggling madly and sprinkling a smelly liquid all over the puppets. "Stop, Tobi those are very fragile! They could break!" Sasori cried. "That's the point, but if you give up now, all this senseless suffering can end." Tobi's voice was abnormally deep, as though he wasn't himself but another man in disguise, Sasori thought, no that was impossible. "So Pinnochio, what's your choice?" Sasori just stared at Tobi, slightly traumatized. Apparently the puppets weren't enough, needing to do worse, Tobi went into Sasori's pledge stash. He systematically stabbed a hole in each can and dumped the contents onto the pile. Sasori began to twitch. NOBODY was allowed to touch his pledge, nobody! Having completely lost it, Sasori yelled "Sasori smash" pounding his fists on his chest like a gorilla. His pupils disappeared, leaving only white, veiny eyes. He rushed toward Tobi with the strength of twenty angry women. In the process of attacking Tobi, he crushed every puppet and pledge can in the room. In a surprised daze, Tobi was unable to run, and instead was crushed by the angry puppet's fists of fury. Slipping back into reality from his crazed state, Sasori saw what he had done. His puppets were all destroyed and his pledge was gone so like the whiny little man-baby he is he yelled "Dei-Dei! Tobi killed my puppets!" Deidara came running into the room to see the puppet curled up in a ball, sucking his thumb. He was crying and mumbling about pledge. Deidara scooped him up and carried him downstairs. He set him down with the traumatized itachi and the shocked Hidan. Next he went to ask Tobi what had just happened. Since Sasori had attacked Tobi, he was automatically disqualified. The Akatsuki was sure to be in ruins by the end of the week. Now that Sasori had lost, Tobi had time for another victim today. Who would he choose? How would he do it? The only certain thing was that there would be another victim today, or Tobi would be planning Akatsukis downfall. Well that and the fact that it would ve hilarious. Tobi was now standing in the middle of the group of scarred victims, giggling insanely. When Deidara asked him to "kindly stop scaring the children" Tobi's head spun 360° around and he replied "you're next...little lady."

**A/N: Again I want to say sorry for not updating... don't hate me. Also special thanks to the guest who suggested this idea. Poor Sasori-kun, he just got added to the pile of broken people...**

**Dei-Dei's chapter will be next. As always review with ideas or suggestions or just to say hi. And to prove that you're all still out there I'm asking those who enjoyed this story please review using the word DERP. Thanks so much for reading, bye-bye.**


	6. Dei-Dei kun

**A/N: Sorry about not updating diary pf a fish, I'm suffering from a severe case of writers block. I also want to thank moonlight762 and guest for assisting me with their suggestions. Thanks! I should also say thanks to all of you other reviewers for you support. YOU GUYS/GALS IS SO AWESOME!**

When Deidara heard those words fear began to well up inside him. He turned to run away. In a panic he ran the wrong way and found himself Blocked by a wall at the end of a hallway. In seconds Tobi was on him, slamming his fist down hard on Dei's head. Everything went black as Deidara let out the girliest scream ever created.

When Dei woke up his head was pounding. He opened his eyes to see that he was laying on the couch in the living room. "...What...happened?" When he looked down to check that he was intact, he let out a more girlier scream than before. He looked in horror at the frilly, girly, pink and purple dress that covered him from chest to knees. While he was out cold Tobi put a dress on him. A DRESS! Deidara was beyond angry she- I mean he was ready to kill someone. This however, was just the beggining. Tobi, noticing Dei was awake, ran over to him and asked " hey miss, you're pretty, can Tobi have a kiss?" Deidara couldn't believe his ears. This must have been his turn to be attacked by Tobi. Tobi was standing there with his head tilted to the side questioningly. Apparently he expected an answer."...NO" he answered angrily. The anger was lost though when his voice cracked. The sound of the deep low N followed by the high O was so funny even Dei laughed a little. Remembering his current state of dress-wearing-ness, Dei walked off to go change but Tobi stepped in front of him. He asked again for a kiss, and received another no. He let Dei pass this time but when he reached his room it was filled with girly dresses. Infuriated, Dei decided to go get a snack. As he entered the kitchen, Tobi asked again, receiving another no.

He asked while Dei put peanut butter on his sandwich.

He asked while Dei poured a glass of milk.

He asked while Dei ate his sandwich.

He asked while Dei walked around the base with his ears covered.

At one point Dei considered agreeing just to see what was under his mask. He didn't though, he didn't want to lose this challenge. He refused to give in. Tobi kept asking, and Dei kept telling him no. This continued for hours, even during dinner. As he continued asking he insisted ever more. At around 9:00pm Deidara had enough. "Can I have a-"tobi was cut off as he was punched in the face. His mask slid awkwardly off of his chin. As the other hand came across in a slap a tongue popped out and licked his chin. "There's your kiss. Hope you liked it" dei yelled. He had lost but at least he could take off this stupid dress now. Or could he? Deidara hadn't thought that Tobi would not return his clothes. Realizing he would be wearing dresses for a while he ran to his room to hide.

"He'll be in there for a while" Kisame said as he crossed out Deidara's name on the white board. He was standing amidst the pool of traumatized Akatsuki members. Itachi was sucking his thumb, hidan was still in a shock coma, and pein was rolling on the floor mumbling about magnets. Deciding he didn't want to babysit any more, Kisame dropped of the trauma victims off in Dei's room.

**A/N: next chapter will depend on your suggestions so review and tell me who you want Tobi and I to torture next. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Also this time instead of DERP I want you to review using the word (drumroll please)... BISCUITS! Please review with ideas, comments, suggestions and biscuits. Thanks for reading.**


	7. konan chan

**A/N if I don't start getting reviews for my othee stories I might have to discontinue diary of a fish. It takes too much time for me to write. Either that or I'll have to shorten it and make chapters ess often. Sorry guys but I don't have enough time and exams are coming up in a few weeks. I will definitely pick it up this summer when school is out. And to answer your question musical cake, he will mist likely be near the end so I don't know yet. If you have an idea let me know.**

konan was enjoying this week far too much. She figured she was safe because Tobi would never hurt a lady. Instead of hiding and crying like the rest of the Akatsuki, she was hanging around the base. She wasn't worried at all, until she heard something behind her. When she turned to see what it was, she saw Tobi making hand signs for a jutsu. Suddenly she heard an awful . She was surrounded by the sound of paper being torn. Instantly she knew she had been wrong about her safety. She took a calming breath and decided to seek help. She rushed to Kakuzu's room asking if he could hear the sound. "Go away, I'm counting my money" was all she heard from behind the closed door. She was quickly growing panicked. She headed to Dei's room next but he just called her crazy and told her to leave. Sasori was binge pledging and wouldn't answer. Hidan, Pein, and Itachi were still paralyzed so they were useless. RRRRRIIIIIIPPPPPP. She heard the ripping sound again. Next she ran to find Kisame, who was standing by the white board waiting for her to admit defeat. "Do you hear that sound?...Please tell me you hear the ripping sound" she cried. Kisame didn't know what to do, she was grabbing at his cloak and screeching about a ripping sound. He said the only thing that came to his mind, "Konan, have you lost your mind, all anyone has heard for a half hour is you screaming." Konan turned around and looked around the room. Her eyes were open wide and she looked as if she had just noticed something. She turned back to Kisame, the ripping sound continued. "Maybe I am crazy...that's it, I've officially gone insane because of all of you freaks!" She was screaming louder than before, and she had look like she was going to eat Kisame's soul...or his pet fish...(MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *coughing fit*). She went running up the stairs and running around the house like a maniac. In her fit of insanity Konan ran into a wall and passed out cold on the floor. As usual, Kisame crossed off her name and carried her off to be babysat by Dei. "Another one down" said Kisame. That left only Hidan, Kisame, Zetsu, and Kakuzu. 'I wonder who's next' thought Kisame.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. I don't know if you noticed but I've done a chapter every day for a few days now, and I'm proud of myself. I had like a blast of inspiration and I had lots of time being caught up in every class. I want to hear from all of you though. Do you guys think I need to change anything, or am I good already. **


	8. kakuzu

**A/N: Hey all you people (and potatoes) out in interwebs land! Another chapter, I'm kinda sad that it's almost over. I'm considering making a sequal that takes place in Konoha, so lemme know what you think. I also feel like I want to do something more serious but I don't have an idea yet. I just want to show off the more serious side of my writing. I know I'm a good writer, but it's hard to show my style and be funny at the same time. Anyway, without further ado...Kakuzu's torture-I mean chapter...**

All Kakuzu had heatd for a half hour was Konan screaming about a ripping sound. At first, he had shooed her away, thinking she was insane. Now, as he sat counting his precious money' he could swear he heard it. 'Maybe my age is finally getting to me' he thought. He continued to count until he heard the sound again. He decided to investigate. When he opened his safe to deposit his money he saw something so terrifying, so horrifying he actually screamed. He screamed like Sakura had when she saw that genjutsu of Sasuke full of kunai. Inside his safe, sitting cross-legged and giggling madly was Tobi. As Kakuzu recovered from the sight, Tobi went silent, and carefully picked up a paper bill from one of the numerous stacks. With a quick movement of his wrists he tore the bill clean in half. Kakuzu squealed and grabbed for his money only to find a barrier in his way. The safe was completely blocked, and Tobi was locked in it with all of Kakuzu's money! Tobi spoke now, in a somewhat deeper, more evil voice." Kakuzu, simply give in. If you throw the challenge, I'll allow you to keep all of your money. I'll even promise to pay back all the damages I've done. Kakuzu considered this deal but his pride told him to hang in there and try to find a way around the rules. As he steeled his nerves Tobi began tearing more money. Every time he heard the sound, Kakuzu cringed. Kakuzu stood there counting 'one hundred gone, two hundred, three hundred.' Kakuzu couldn't take it anymore. He started pounding and banging on the barrier but it was no use. Just as he was ready to give up hope Tobi spoke again. " How about this, if you give up I'll pay you back double what I destroyed, and we can both go on with our lives."

Kakuzu's bartering mode kicked in immediately." Five times what you took" he demanded." Triple" Tobi replied. " Four and a half times" Kakuzu replied.

"Three and a half" Tobi answered. To this Kakuzu replied " four times or I'll leave for the week on bounties and you'll lioe the challenge." Tobi lifted an entire stack of bills and angrily threw it at the barrier. "Fine" he sighed pulling out his wallet" just remember to tell everybody you gave up." Kakuzu nodded and left to tell Kisame to cross out his name.

**A/N: that chapter took an entire 80 minute class to write. Blah I'm tired now. I hope you guys enjoyed it, it was kinda different from my other chapters. So this leaves zetsu kisame and hidan. I think zetsu is up next...so...ideas?**


	9. Zetsu (is stupid)

**A/N: Sorry for not updating guys. I've been really busy with another story this week. Luckily I found the time to get ahead in the other one so I decided to write this one. Since there are only a few chapters I'm considering a sequel. It seems like a lot of people love this story so if you want a sequel or not leave it in a review**

Zetsu was having a wonderful day. He'd watered his flowers, taken a fertilizer bath, and spent a while wandering his garden. At around 11:00am he decided to go inside fir some tv. He entered through the back door and headed for the living room.

As he stepped into the room, Zetsu nearly screamed. What he saw was terrifying. Tobi had five dunk tanks set up, each with a plant on it. Upon closer inspection the victims turned out to be his friends. There was Lily, Rose, Patrick, Sunny and his girlfriend, Smittywerbenjagermanjenson.

Tobi explained that he would have to answer questions to save his friends. If he answered wrong his friends would over watered by being dunked. He could give up at any time to save them. Of course he would never give in, not ever.

The first question was: Who is the main character of the manga Naruto?

Zetsu's answer: That's easy it's me. _No it's me_. How is it you, I'm obviously more important than you...blah blah blah. He continued to argue with himself for about ten minutes. Meanwhile, Lily was dunked. Zetsu decided he never really liked her so he didn't care much.

Next question: who is the creator of the Naruto manga?

Answer: Pfft at least try to challenge us it-_it's obviously Dr. Seuss._

**WRONG!** Rose was dunked. This was sad for Zetsu, but also amusing because she was his ex-wife. He giggled and moved on.

Next: who is the stupid moronic idiot who left Konohagakure to go with a creepy snake man who wanted his body...?

Answer: um...uh...um...oh just dunk him, I don't have a sweet clue.

And so patrick was dunked. Now three of Zetsu's friends were down. Over watered to death but in an interesting way so he couldn't complain.

Next: why are you so terribly stupid?

Answer: because the authoress wrote me that way. She doesn't hate me but for the sake of entertainment and good fun she wrote me dumb. Admit it all you people reading this, my stupidity is funny!

That one was good enough so Sunny was spared...for now.

Last question, for your girlfriends sake. What is 1+1+2+6+9+4-25+2?

Answer: um...uh...hmm...let me think...2600.96...?

And so the last question was answered wrong. But Zetsu offered to give up just in time. He was marked off the name board and taken out of the challenge. However Tobi's jerkness caused him to dunk Sunny and Smittywerbenjagermanjenson anyway. This made Zetsu jump in after Smitty and sent him into an over watered cona. At that same moment Hidan awoke from his coma.

**A/N:This is the fifth time I typed this so you better like it. Sorry if it sucks, I'm sick of rewriting this and it's 11:30pm so I'm a little tired, been spending late nights studying gor exams. If you know where I got Smittywerbenjagermanjenson from review with it. As slways review with ideas, thoughts criticisms and this time the word MUYSKERM cause I'm a fan of his youtube channel. You guys should look him up. Anyways...BYEEEEE!**


	10. IM SO SORRY!

Ermahgersh guys i am so sorry! I haven't had wifi at home so i cant get online to write for you guys. I have exams next week so i have to study. You can expect a new chapter in a few days as long as my dad doesn't take away my wifi. I promise I will find a way if he does. Aslo sorry for the bad quality chapter last time. I typed it 5 times because it wouldn't save and it was really late. I might release a repaired version later so stay tuned. Anyway thanks for reading BAI!


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